英语翻译I have never cultivated a mustache,though I’m sure one w

英语翻译
I have never cultivated a mustache,though I’m sure one would enhance my distinguished looks and cause women to giggle as I passed along the boulevard.The reason is I can’t risk it,because even a little mustache is a dangerous thing.It invites compliments.If a lady came up to me,for example,and said,“You have the most charming mustache,” I wouldn’t know how to respond.I might be thrown into such a panic that I’d blurt out,”I like yours,too.”
\x05It is one of the paradoxes of social intercourse that a compliment is much harder to respond to than an insult.Here is an area of small talk where most of use act awkwardly.Someone utters a pleasing,praise remark in our direction and we grow inarticulate and our kneecaps begin to vibrate.
\x05I can’t even accept with grace a compliment bestowed upon me for a thing that isn’t really mine.I live on a hill overlooking a wide valley.Visitors exclaim:”My!What a terrific view you have here!” There it lies out there,the whole valley.I didn’t do it.It doesn’t belong to me.Yet I respond with a sickly smile,“Oh,it isn’t much – just a lot of old real estate.”
\x05The nearest I ever came to downright acceptance of this particular compliment was the time I said,“Well ,we like it.” This is a response that should be used with caution.To say of a thing,” Well,we like it.” is to imply that a lot of other people think it disgusting.Not long ago I was in a group where a geophysicist form Australia was talking eloquently about the wonders of the universe.“This earth we live on,” he said,“this great,vibrant,spinning earth,is a collection of incredible marvels.” There was a long pause,and then,carried away by the vastness of his complimentary remark,a woman said,“Well,we like it.”
\x05I think we make a mistake when we react to a compliment with denial and derogation.“What a stunning gown!” your friend says.”Oh,this old rag!” you respond.The situation here is much the same as the one regarding my view.You have no right to feel ashamed or angry over praise directed at your gown – unless it happens that you stitched it up yourself.You would be better off if you’d just say something like,“I had to fist-fight another woman in Macy’s basement to get possession of it.” Or better yet,“My husband picked it out for me.”
\x05I know a man who has put his mind to this problem and come up with a technique for brushing off praise.He employs a sort of unreasonable realism.One evening I overheard a woman say to him,“What powerful shoulders you have!” Without blinking an eye,he answered,“Three-fourths water.My body is three-fourths water,therefore my shoulders are three-fourths water and anything that’s three-fourths water couldn’t actually be very powerful.” The well-intentioned woman went away with a furrowed brow and whispering to herself.I don’t think this fellow is on the right track.

实在太多了,时间不够,仅能翻译前面一点,请参考：
我从来不蓄胡子,即便我知道这样会使自己看起来更加具有个性并且能使我在走过马路时引起女人们咯咯发笑.原因是我不敢冒险,因为即使只有一点胡子也是一件危险的事情.它会招致恭维.举个例子,如果一个女士朝我走过来并对我说“你拥有一副最具魅力的胡子.”,我将不知道如何进行回应.我可能在惶恐中脱口而出说道“我也很喜欢你的.”
作为社交悖论中的一种,恭维比侮辱更加难以回应.在闲聊中有一部分使用恭维总是让行为显得笨拙.一些人朝着我们发出愉悦和赞赏的信号,为此我们开始变得口齿不清、膝盖也开始颤抖.
我甚至无法接受那些非基于我的东西而给予的优雅恭维.我活在一个能俯瞰宽阔峡谷的山上.拜访者总是赞叹道“哇!你这里的风景真是太好了!”整个峡谷都展现在我们面前.我没有做什么.这个峡谷不属于我.对此,我报以一个苍白的微笑,“呵,其实也不怎么样,不过是许多的土地而已.”