HELP!HELP!看看有没有什么语病,A Day in the Summer VacationIn this summ

HELP!HELP!
看看有没有什么语病,
A Day in the Summer Vacation
In this summer vacation,I went to Beijing.It was great.And today,I want to introduce the first day in my journey.
In the first day,we got up at 7 o’clock.And we had breakfast at half past seven.We ate porridge,eggs,pickle,and steamed bread.I think it was awful,however I had to eat the breakfast.
First,we went to the Summer Palace.The willows surrounded the Kunming Lake.And there was a bridge over the lake.The bridge was white and long.And there were a lot of old trees around the lake.It was rainy,and the lake in rain was very beautiful.I saw many old and interesting things in the Summer Palace,like Shifang,Changlang,Suzhou Street and so on.Sometimes,the empress Cixi ,and the emperor Gunagxu lived here in Qing dynasty.As a matter of fact,the Summer Palace was royal garden.I visited there for two hours.And then,we ate lunch.
At noon,we were all rather tired,because it was pouring in the morning.So,in the afternoon,we were free.We went to Wangfujing Road.We went shopping in the mall.And the malls were huge.To make me surprised,one of the malls has a cinema.We can watch a film in the mall.There were some cafes,restaurants and bars in the mall.And there was a car shop in the mall too.
We ate Beijing Duck in the Quanjude restaurant for dinner.It was expensive,and of course,it was delicious.In the evening,we went to the hotel very early.I took a bath and watched TV.I went to bed at half past nine.
It is a wonderful day,isn’t it?Okay,this is one of days in my summer vacation.Thank you for listening.
By Michelle Qi

1.第二段第一句“In the first day”应该为“On the first day”.
2.第二段倒数第二行“the Summer Palace was royal garden”应该加一个a---was a royal garden
3.然后它的后面一句应该改为“I stayed there for two hours.”
4.再后面一句应该是“had lunch”
5.To make me surprised,one of the malls has a cinema.
此句应该改成“It was surprising that one of the malls even had a cinema!”
6.它的后面一句应该是“We could watch...”
应该没什么问题了,你的这篇是演讲稿吧?加油啊!