请雅思高手批改作文!Whther rich countries giving aid to the poorer cou

请雅思高手批改作文!
Whther rich countries giving aid to the poorer countries has more negative impact than posi A process diagram?As time goes by,the cooperation between countries is increasingly vital.It is mainly devided into two parts.Developing countries ger together to acquire trade market and laburers from each other.Apparently,richcountres offers aid to poor countriesto help poor people there who need help.In return,they will get market and cheap laburers there.Consequently,poor countries will get food and technology from the aid.It is mutual-win strategy and that is so-called globlization..Unfortunatly,it raises argument on whether it will really help those people in trouble.
Admittedly,the help that been given to poors will get repay.Anyway,it seems like evading to some developing counties.Laburers were forced to work for factories moved to their counties that will impel them to pollute their countries and wil gain high proportion of profit from there.Morever,the aid will make poor countries’econormy being controled by rich countries.It is econrmic controling that will make the government ‘s policy being controled because politics is is based on the economic strenghth.
Nonetheless,I still believe international aid program should continue.It is international aid that will make those jobless people capable to earn their living by their own hand,it create opportunities for governments lack of money to build basic equipment.Thanks to that,advanced technologywill sweep across that nation,The desire of living a beter life will encourage citizens to fight for themselves.Fortunately,international aid gives them a chance and only by international aid can poor countries receive treasure to make their people alive.Living is the most cherished thing around the world.
Overall,I belive we need international aid.There is more advantages than harms to welcome rich countries to invest in poorcountries,to make us become advanced is their duty and our wish.

"1 It is mainly devided into two parts.
和上句没有关系,应该去掉.另外 it 指代不清.Devided 应该是divided
2 Developing countries ger together to acquire trade market and laburers from each other.
ger together 要改成 share/laborer 要改成labor force
3 Apparently,rich countres /拼写错误offers aid to poor countries to help poor people there who need help.In return,they will get market and cheap laburers 错误同上 there.
4 Consequently,poor countries will get food and technology from the aid.It is mutual-win/win-win strategy and that is so-called globlization.这句没用
5.Unfortunatly,it raises argument on whether it will really help those people in trouble.不合理,可改成：however,do people in trouble really benefit from it?
6.Admittedly,6 the help that been / is given to poors will get repay/be paid off
7.Anyway,it seems like evading to some developing counties.这句话的意思无法理解
8 Laburers were/are forced to work for factories moved to their counties that will impel them to pollute their countries and wil gain high proportion of profit from there.
语法有问题,应该成：for factories that move to their countries.the environment is polluted,but the investors gain high proportion of profit
9 Morever,the aid will make poor countries’econormy being controled by rich countries.改成,the aid will possible put the local economy under control
10 It is econrmic controling that will make the government ‘s policy being controled because politics is is based on the economic strenghth.
有很多的拼写错误
改成：economic control will eventually lead to the control on the government’ policy
11 It is international aid that will make those jobless people capable to earn their living by their own hand
by their own hand by 改成 on their own
12 it create opportunities for governments lack of money to build basic equipment.改成 facilities
13 Thanks to that,advanced technology will sweep across that nation,
Will sweep 改成 will be made full use of
14 he desire of living a beter life will encourage citizens to fight for themselves.
Beter/better15 Living is the most cherished thing around the world.前面要 after all
1 硬伤太多,没有修改之前,只有5分
2句子之间的衔接缺乏逻辑
3逻辑有些重复"