灵鹊做题网作文(评改作文)
来源：学生作业帮 编辑：灵鹊做题网作业帮 分类：英语作业 时间：2024/05/25 18:58:26
文章要求：写一篇关于袁隆平为民族英雄的作文，70字 Yuanlongping is one of most famous hero in world , He was born in Beijing in1930..he studied in Southwest Agricultural College. He studied hard in school so that He became a Chinese agricultural scientist. He saw many people did not have rice to eat, so they were hungry .He wanted to help them ,so he developed new rice in1973. In many countries of the world ,they have little rice ,because there were little land , now they use new invention , They have more rice than before . Many people think he is a hero. They are thanking of him.
请帮我改一下作文
给我一些好的句子，或是一片例文
总分为15分，我能得多少分
谢谢
解题思路： 缺点：有个别的语病。
解题过程：
优点：语言流畅，条理清晰，符合逻辑，能正确使用一些连词使文章增添了色彩。有自己的感想。
文章中好的语句
one of most famous hero，
He studied hard in school so that he became a Chinese agricultural scientist. 我觉得你的这篇作文能得12分左右。修改如下，仅供参考。 Yuanlongping is one of most famous hero in the world , He was born in Beijing in1930..he studied in Southwest Agricultural College. He studied hard in school so that he became a Chinese agricultural scientist. He saw many people did not have rice to eat, so they were hungry .He wanted to help them ,so he developed new rice in1973. In many countries of the world ,they had a little rice ,because there was a little land , now they use new method , They have more rice than before . Many people think he is a hero. They thank him very much. 例文 Yuan Longping was born in Peking, He graduated from Southwest Agricultural College in China in 1953, and then was assigned to teach crop genetics and breeding at an agricultural school in Hunan Province. He began his research in hybrid rice development in 1964 and subsequently was transferred to the Hunan Academy of Agricultural Sciences in 1971 to serve as a research professor. It was there, two years later, that he achieved a major scientific breakthrough as he successfully developed the genetic materials essential for breeding high-yielding hybrid rice varieties.
最终答案：略
解题过程：
优点：语言流畅，条理清晰，符合逻辑，能正确使用一些连词使文章增添了色彩。有自己的感想。
文章中好的语句
one of most famous hero，
He studied hard in school so that he became a Chinese agricultural scientist. 我觉得你的这篇作文能得12分左右。修改如下，仅供参考。 Yuanlongping is one of most famous hero in the world , He was born in Beijing in1930..he studied in Southwest Agricultural College. He studied hard in school so that he became a Chinese agricultural scientist. He saw many people did not have rice to eat, so they were hungry .He wanted to help them ,so he developed new rice in1973. In many countries of the world ,they had a little rice ,because there was a little land , now they use new method , They have more rice than before . Many people think he is a hero. They thank him very much. 例文 Yuan Longping was born in Peking, He graduated from Southwest Agricultural College in China in 1953, and then was assigned to teach crop genetics and breeding at an agricultural school in Hunan Province. He began his research in hybrid rice development in 1964 and subsequently was transferred to the Hunan Academy of Agricultural Sciences in 1971 to serve as a research professor. It was there, two years later, that he achieved a major scientific breakthrough as he successfully developed the genetic materials essential for breeding high-yielding hybrid rice varieties.
最终答案：略